Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We have started to decorate penises.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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