This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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