we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
