so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
