I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
