Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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