i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just found a bag of teeth...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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