You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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