I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
