so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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