well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
