If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
