Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
