Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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