I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
