Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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