I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
