these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
