I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
