So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
