I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
