when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
