??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
