I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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