I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
