capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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