Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
