Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
