I must be too annoying 4 u.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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