The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
