I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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