He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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