Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
