Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
