Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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