Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
