my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
