Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
