I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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