maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
