Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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