dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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