Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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