I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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