Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
