Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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