$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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