ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
