I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
