im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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