I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
