If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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