I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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