Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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