Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
