Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
