after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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