its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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