Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
