I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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