I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
be right there i have to get my cape
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
