with your own penis?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
