Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
