i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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