Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
