I must be too annoying 4 u.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
