I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize