i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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