So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
