week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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