Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
