He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
