last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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