Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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