hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
