omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you win again, gameday.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
