He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
